There are many things I have wanted to do in the 52 years of my life. Many things I have not been able to do for a variety of reasons. The reason that has troubled me the most lately though is “it is not the done thing”, “society would not approve”, “it will decrease your chances to be successful”. For years I have been stifling my desires because of how it would look if I carried them out. For years I have been listening to the voices and opinions of others. And for years I did not understand or realize how I was limiting myself, my growth, my success, my beliefs, my soul because I did not want to push the envelope.
I have wanted a tattoo since my teenage years. The idea of getting a tattoo was romantic, rebellious, cool. The thought never went away but it was never the ‘right’ time. Between the Christians who said that marking the body was a sin, my mother who was concerned about the image it would portray and the doors it may close, and my father who just did not like them (never did get the reason why, I guess for the same reason he did not like red nail polish and nose piercings but that is another story), I never did drum up the courage to get a tattoo.
Here comes 2020 with its disruption and upheaval. Here also comes 2020, the 52nd year of my life here on earth. With the uncertainty in the air; will I still have a job? Will my husband still have a job? Will a family member become sick with the COVID 19? And what worse fate is yet to come? In my mind I have a relatively short time left on this earth (my mom died at 57) and there was no more time to not listen to me. So I dusted off that bucket list and decided to complete it.
In comes the tattoo. I thought about why it remained on my bucket list. I was certainly no teenager and had no need to be rebellious. What would make me put a permanent mark on my body at this stage of my life. I started to really take notice of other people’s tattoos and realized, tattoos are extremely personal, done not for show but for the individual. Each tattoo had a meaning, whether deep or not, that only resonated with that individual. So I started researching tattoos that would symbolize what I was going through at this moment. I wanted something simple and understated (because that is who I am), but I also wanted something that just the thought of knowing I have one made me smile.
And here it is. My tattoo. My dragonfly. Deeply personal and which symbolizes transformation, adaptability and self-actualiziation. I put it on my back because I thought that if it had spoiled I would not see it so it would not bother me. Lol. I wish I had been more bold. I LOVE my tattoo. I love what it signifies. And I love that getting it has given me more insight into who I am.
Thanks to @britinktattoos for capturing so beautifully what I wanted, and to my daughter for making sure I did not back down.
#transformation, #self-actualization, #tattoos, #healing, #love
