When Life Gives You Lemons

 

“Something in the wind has learnt my name  And it’s tellin’ me that things are not the same  In the leaves on the trees, and the touch of the breeze  There’s a pleasing sense of happiness for me”

                      Top of the World, Carpenters

Woke up this morning with two songs on my mind, songs that my grandmother used to sing, happy songs, songs of change. It got me thinking, what major shift has happened in my life recently and what does it mean? Why now am I getting this message from the Universe that all is well?

Rewind to 2022. It was the last year of my contract in a job I thoroughly enjoyed with a company that is going places. I was content, comfortable, doing my thing. All was going to the plan I had set out for myself. I was not hearing about the renewal of the contract however I was not worried. I had no reason to be. My evaluations throughout the years had been positive with no deal breaking issues. I was looking forward to continuing with this progressive company and had even hoped for a new role contributing to its  growth. So when three weeks before the end of my contract I was offered an extension to the contract requirement of the notice period, I was floored. I then did what I thought was best for me, I declined the extension, left at the end of  the contract, and went home.

The weeks following were not easy. I did a lot of introspection, asked for feedback, and took the time to decompress. I had an opportunity to do what many people don’t. Exhale. I embarked on projects I have always wanted to do but never had the time. I worked on my podcasting skills with an amazing coach @paulaanneja, whether or not I actually publish is still up in the air. I landed an opportunity to be ‘talent’ in a production, with a 2 line speaking part. That was exhilarating. And of course I have been reading voraciously. 

What are my takeaways so far in this new journey? What have I learned? 

1. All good things come to an end. That is a fact. It was the Greek philosopher Heraclitus that said “change is the only constant in life”. And so it is. Change is unavoidable and fear of change is natural, especially if it is unexpected. Accepting this makes it easier to embrace change and open ourselves to new opportunities. An ending is also a beginning. 

2. Be prepared. As any Girl Guide has learned, be as prepared as you possibly can for any eventuality. Work towards a nest egg. Invest. Get your annual check ups. Exercise. Eat well. Take care of you, your physical and emotional well being.

3. Be open to all possibilities. Just because you were doing one thing for a long time does not mean that is the only thing you must do. Life is fluid, and we must be too. Look at the opportunities being presented and see if they work for you. Who knew I would have enjoyed my experience in show business so much that I am actively looking for more opportunities. Let’s see if this is a path meant for me. Can you feel the excitement?

4. A good support system is EVERYTHING. Whether this is a friend,  family or a therapist/coach, a good support system provides a sense of belonging which reduces stress, offers emotional support, and improves overall health and wellbeing.

5. Stick to your values. You will be able to choose which opportunities serve you best.

This brings me to the second song that came to mind this morning:

“Dragonfly out in the sun, you know what I mean, don’t you know

Butterflies all havin’ fun, you know what I mean

Sleep in peace when the day is done, that’s what I mean

And this old world is a new world

And a bold world

For me

For me …

And I’m feeling good …”

                    Feeling Good, Nina Simone

#change #opportunity #happiness #growth

WORDLE: Beyond testing my vocabulary

 I, as I assume many others, have become a fan of the latest internet word game fad #Wordle. As in any other area of my life I am always looking for lessons to be learned from anything I do. Here are a few lessons gleaned from playing #Wordle:

LOVE - A personal act of love can change the world. One man's creation out of love for his partner has generated a tidal wave of action. Imagine what your love can accomplish.

PATIENCE - You will always make mistakes when you rush. Slowing down and concentrating improves tremendously your chances of success.

TIMING - As with anything, when you act matters. For me it is after I drink my coffee in the mornings. For others it is after their morning reflections. Do what is good for you to get you ready.

WIN Some, Lose Some -  This game is a perfect reminder that you will not always be successful, however

EVERYDAY is a renewal - With the rising of the sun you have an opportunity each day to start afresh. Don't waste it.

What lessons have you learned?

The Tattoo

 There are many things I have wanted to do in the 52 years of my life. Many things I have not been able to do for a variety of reasons. The reason that has troubled me the most lately though is “it is not the done thing”, “society would not approve”, “it will decrease your chances to be successful”. For years I have been stifling my desires because of how it would look if I carried them out. For years I have been listening to the voices and opinions of others. And for years I did not understand or realize how I was limiting myself, my growth, my success, my beliefs, my soul because I did not want to push the envelope.

I have wanted a tattoo since my teenage years. The idea of getting a tattoo was romantic, rebellious, cool. The thought never went away but it was never the ‘right’ time. Between the Christians who said that marking the body was a sin, my mother who was concerned about the image it would portray and the doors it may close, and my father who just did not like them (never did get the reason why, I guess for the same reason he did not like red nail polish and nose piercings but that is another story), I never did drum up the courage to get a tattoo.

Here comes 2020 with its disruption and upheaval. Here also comes 2020, the 52nd year of my life here on earth. With the uncertainty in the air; will I still have a job? Will my husband still have a job? Will a family member become sick with the COVID 19? And what worse fate is yet to come? In my mind I have a relatively short time left on this earth (my mom died at 57) and there was no more time to not listen to me. So I dusted off that bucket list and decided to complete it.

In comes the tattoo. I thought about why it remained on my bucket list. I was certainly no teenager and had no need to be rebellious. What would make me put a permanent mark on my body at this stage of my life. I started to really take notice of other people’s tattoos and realized, tattoos are extremely personal, done not for show but for the individual. Each tattoo had a meaning, whether deep or not, that only resonated with that individual. So I started researching tattoos that would symbolize what I was going through at this moment. I wanted something simple and understated (because that is who I am), but I also wanted something that just the thought of knowing I have one made me smile.

And here it is. My tattoo. My dragonfly. Deeply personal and which symbolizes transformation, adaptability and self-actualiziation. I put it on my back because I thought that if it had spoiled I would not see it so it would not bother me. Lol. I wish I had been more bold. I LOVE my tattoo. I love what it signifies. And I love that getting it has given me more insight into who I am.

                                                         Immediately after getting my tattoo

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Thanks to @britinktattoos for capturing so beautifully what I wanted, and to my daughter for making sure I did not back down.

#transformation, #self-actualization, #tattoos, #healing, #love

The Overturned Crayon Box

Colouring books for adults. What a fantastic idea, or so I thought. Armed with my recently bought colouring book and a brand new box of a 50 pack of Crayola pencil crayons, I set about colouring the first picture in the book. A tea pot, cup and saucer with a very confusing pattern. I had read that colouring was an avenue to destress, an activity that allows your mind to rest by focussing on one task, similar I gather to yoga when you focus on your breathing. Why then was I getting more and more flustered? I didn't know where to start. What colour was I to use first? You see, I always wished I was artistic, creating beautiful pieces of work that made people happy. In high school art class was a struggle. Symmetry, colours, lines all blurred into one mess. I just could not get it. And then it hit me,  why not use the crayons in the order presented in the box? And I set about colouring.

Tea Pot with Cup and Saucer

Not bad for a first attempt in my humble opinion. So on to my next picture guided by the way the crayons were presented in the box. Red, blue, black, white...I was bored. The 2nd picture in a book of 23 pages. Using the crayons in the order packed by the manufacturer created the 'mindless' stress free activity I read about, but not the fulfillment I thought I would get. I skipped to the 2nd row and picked a green and yellow to add some oomph. Mark you, they were still beside each other, just in a different row.

Balloons

On to the third, again using colours that were lined up beside each other. That is until the crayons fell out of the box! Noooooo.... My first instinct was to panic. Almost instantly something switched (thank you Helen and Marguerite), what a wonderful thing to have happened. I was no longer restricted to the order of colours that someone else created. I was free. The overturned box of crayons reminded me that someone else's order is not my own, and I will never be able to be who I truly am if I remain confined within the box. Life has a funny way of reminding you of just what you need. I finished the picture with a new outlook. The end result is all mine and I am happy.

Party Dress

Does Comfort Lead to Inaction?

Tweeting about the PNP Conference the other day, it suddenly struck me that I was more mouth than action. For years all I have been doing is saying what is wrong with our country, our leadership, our schools etc. and I have been doing nothing. It got me thinking. Why am I not acting? Why am I only speaking. The other day when having a conversation with my  daughter I told her "mouth mek to talk", a Jamaican saying which means the mouth can say anything however whether or not it is acted on is a different matter. I realize I am just talking, and what good will that do? All talk and no action will definitely lead nowhere and certainly defend the status quo. Am I that selfish?


So why am I not acting? I am too comfortable. I am not hungry. I can go to the supermarket whenever I choose and buy whatever I choose. OK, so I cannot take that family vacation every year, however my mortgage is being paid every month. Therein lies my complacency, I am not in need.


I wonder if this is the same reason why our Leaders are only speaking. Why limited action has taken place in this beautiful country of ours. A country that has fallen into disrepair with uncollected garbage, lack of drugs in our hospitals, a school system that is turning out illiterate people, minimal manufacturing to drive economic growth.  We are promised every election period of things that will be done to turn our economy around, provide growth and jobs yet they never materialize. What are they waiting on? Are they defending the status quo? Are they also too comfortable? Isn't it their job to put things in place for the proper running of the country? Isn't that why we, the people, voted them in? Or did we vote in 'our' party just so that we can continue to be comfortable?


So I challenge the following:

• I challenge the current administration to forego the comfort and do what needs to be done to get Jamaica out of this quagmire,
• I challenge the opposition to get their act together so as to provide a credible alternative so that we  may hold the current leadership accountable,
• I challenge the Jamaican people to think about the collective whole, and see how providing for the whole will benefit the individual,
• But most of all I challenge myself to stop talking and start acting.

I truly hope this blog will be the beginning of that action. More to come.


"Action, Not A Bag A Mouth!"


#Jamaica #Governance #Politics# PNP #JLP #action

My Country

I live in a country where everybody is afraid, where I would not want to visit. Where its own citizens criticize and tear down its very essence, especially those who have left its shores. The only country I am a citizen of. A beautiful country! An ugly country!  A country I want to leave, for my children’s sake? A country where I want to remain because the country is me. All of it, the good, the bad, the ugly.

Barricades, grilled windows and doors, dead-bolt locks, security systems, big black ‘bad’ dogs are the standard features. Gone are the days when my front door could be left open without fear of an intruder. Where trees are no longer the far-away lands of my childhood but where men up to no good linger, awaiting my arrival home.

I should leave my country, so that my children can know the freedom I knew growing up. Riding my bike down the road without fear of being abducted, roaming the bush without a care in the world. I should leave for me, so that I can stop being afraid. So that I can stop looking over my shoulder every time I leave the bank to make sure I am not being followed. So that I can stop holding my breath, releasing only when my husband gets in safely at night.

I live in a country whose citizens nobody wants. A country whose citizens require a stamp in their passports to be allowed entry, and all agents are on alert when the passport is spotted. A passport that our own officials need not fear because they have their own, which gives them immunity when traveling, making them oblivious to what their citizens go through.

I live in a country whose elected leaders only speak to us when it is time for re-election. Who are so disconnected from the people they are supposed to serve that whatever is being served is not meeting our needs. Where the majority of its citizens cannot see that these elected ones have done us no good, because we are not taught to think, we are taught to recite. Where there are no jobs, and the dollar is of little value. Where we are beholden to foreign lands because we take, take, take. We do not earn.

Yet I take no action. I am part of the problem. When will I wake up and do something to change this beloved country of mine? When will I become a part of the solution? For my children, for me?

Staying Positive in the Face of Increasing Rejection

Three months ago my position was made redundant. I was out of a job. Yes, that dreaded word had finally become a reality in my life. I now knew what I had put so many people through (being in HR you sometimes have the not so pleasant however necessary task of making positions redundant). The initial shock wore off pretty quickly. I had an inclination that this was going to happen so I had started putting things in place. Those things were however not quite ready to be acted on. I acted anyway.

I set up my company, MACSPEN Services, and with my Project Manager, +Ruth Proctor , we began drumming up business. MACSPEN Services grew out of the fact that HR is one of the first areas of a company to be cut in times of hardship. I therefore thought that if I offer HR Services to small companies that do not currently have an HR Department, I would be providing an invaluable service. And the interest was there! People were happy that there was someone willing to provide the necessary but laborious work that needs to be done.

Everything seemed to be moving along just fine. Persons kept telling me that I was doing well for a start up. Three (3) clients. I am truly thankful for those 3 clients. In the meantime, because bills need to be paid, I have been putting my resume out there and have been applying for jobs. Six (6) to be exact. Then the regret letters started coming in, my Project Manager was offered an opportunity of a lifetime which she could not refuse, and the work for my clients was coming to an end. Depression was setting in. Why wasn't I getting calls for interviews to those jobs I had applied to? Why weren't more interested parties actually signing contracts for my services? What was I not doing right?

In walks +Helen MacMillan and her abundance. The first positive. I am where I am supposed to be, sending out to the universe my needs and accepting what the universe is giving me. What a glorious feeling it is to know that God (the universe) is actually on my side and is just waiting for me to acknowledge it. 

The next positive was +Francis Wade. He practically cajoled me into becoming his Assistant Producer for his radio programme on CaribHRForum. In doing so he has opened a world of opportunities and possibilities that I now need to take advantage of.

And here is where the next positive +Marguerite Orane comes in. I had taken her course Free and Laughing in Crises and have learned how to Be Present, Observe, Accept, Trust, Release and Love every moment of my crises. (And trust me there are many). With Marguerite's help MACSPEN Services now has a vision, mission, values and a plan to move forward. 

Life will always be a mixture of positives and negatives. It is what we do with the negatives that determine our well being. Everything has a time and place. Take a few minutes and look at your situation, no matter how uncomfortable. There is a lesson to be learned, and once learned, you will move to a higher place. Stay positive my friends. Rejection is just another way of letting you know that that path is not for you.

Blessings and abundance,

Toni